My Mother Taught Me . . .

TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE – “If you’re going to kill each other, do it outside – I just finished cleaning!”

TIME TRAVEL: “If you don’t straighten up, I’m going to knock you into the middle of next week!”

CONTORTIONISM – “Will you *look* at the dirt on the back of your neck!”

HYPOCRISY – “If I’ve told you once, I’ve told you a million times – Don’t exaggerate!!!”

ENVY – “There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don’t have wonderful parents like you do!”

IRONY – “Keep laughing and I’ll *give* you something to cry about.”

RELIGION – “You better pray that will come out of the carpet.”